Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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