she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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