Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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