If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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