I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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