Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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