I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize