Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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