The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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