Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize