you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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