I can't watch pbs sober anymore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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