he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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