I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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