I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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