every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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