I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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