So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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