Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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