I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize