well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize