Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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