Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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