I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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