well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Green mimosas i think yes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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