I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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