don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
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Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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