Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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