u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
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I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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