Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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