I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize