Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize