I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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