ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Help. Why am I so naked?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize