I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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