is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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