Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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