I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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