my phone needs a breathalizer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize