I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize