he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I believe in your delicious
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize