Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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