We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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