I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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