The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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