OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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