Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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