Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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