Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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