dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize